How to Be a Better Person 6 Simple Steps You Can Take Today

How to Be a Better Person 6 Simple Steps You Can Take Today Raise yur hand if youve been feeling lost lately. I know I have. Tzu siches a lot going on right now.The kinds of things that beg you to wonder about how to be a better partie. Everyone has a different definition of what it means to be a good rolle, of course.A few weeks ago, I walked into the office of my part-time job and saw a haftnotiz note hanging from the bottom of my computer monitor. It was slightly askew, as if the person who stuck it there was so filled with excitement about their message, that the note had no choice but to flutter a bit before sticking.Written in my bosss 7-year-old sons innocent block lettering, the note read Do good work every day. I smiled.The sheer simplicity struck me. Is the secret to how to be a better person really that easy?Yes and no. The idea is simple, but the good work can also be hard work.It is fairly easy to conceptualize but is more difficult to implement. Like the post-it note, y ou might flutter a bit before it sticks.But thats ok its work worth doing.6 steps to be a better person1. Practice vulnerability.Perhaps this feels counterintuitive to being a better person. When you think of the behavior, traits and virtues of a good person or a role model in your life, vulnerability might not be the first trait that comes to mind. Isnt vulnerability a weakness? A drain on others and our relationship with others? Something we shouldnt aspire to be?Nah. But vulnerability is a thing that scares the heck out of most people, mainly because it requires us to confront difficult questions and one of the hardest things humans have to face shame.Bren Brown, a researcher at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work (and personal hero of mine), who has studied vulnerability for the past 10 years, found that vulnerability not only humanizes but allows us to connect with each other. Its honest, truthful living. And while it is incredibly difficult work, its inc redibly rewarding.Ive writtenbeforeabout my own need to be perfect that while I dont expect perfection from others, its hard to not expect perfection from myself. I use it to hide my thinking often goes, if Im perfect then I can avoid negative feelings that I know can consume me.But really what Im doing, as Bren Browns work points out, is avoiding being truly binnenseen.If we allow ourselves to be seen to practice vulnerability we are more open and willing to connect and untersttzung others. To take risks. To be better people.I recommend watchingBren Browns TED talk. Its life-changing.2. Learn about implicit biases and identify your own.Implicit biasis the subconscious judgments we make that affect the way we understand, behave and interact with our environment and others. Part of being a good person is being yourself but also being a more aware version of yourself.Were human and we all judge others no human being is expected not to. Its a way for us to quickly synthesize infor mation, which is often necessary for our brains to do given how overloaded we are with information.But many of ansicht judgements and behaviors are subconscious. Theyre the by-product of years of lived experience and being inundated with societal, familial and cultural norms.And while they may be subconscious, continuing to rely on them can be catastrophically harmful to others. So if we can agree that being a better person means causing less (or no harm) to others, then understanding your implicit biases and how they affect others is necessary work. To uncover your own biases, try these resourcesUnderstand Prejudice Implicit Association TestLook Different Bias CleanseTeaching Tolerance Test Yourself for Hidden Biases3. Educate yourself about privilege.Privilege issimply the opposite of oppression unearned benefits you get from being part of a particular group. Its an uncomfortable subject that causes strong reactions from people, which is why many avoid it.We live in a society that values hard work, and its natural to get defensive when you feel someone is saying you didnt earn what you have- that you havent worked hard. But thats a limited misunderstanding of privilege.Privilege doesnt mean you dont work hard or that your life isnt difficult it means you didnt have to face the same challenges as others.And privilege isnt necessarily a bad thing you often cant change characteristics about yourself that give you privilege (for example, I cannot change that I am white). You shouldnt strive to be a completely different person, either. Whats harmful is refusing to recognize unearned benefits because it reinforces and keep systems of oppression in place.While privilege is often talked about in the context of race, gender, sexual orientation and socio-economic status, there are many different types. To identify ways you are privileged, try thinking of some characteristics you have that make life easier for you.Are you able-bodied? Can you go to a clothing store a nd always find clothes in your size? Do you live near transportation that makes it easier for you to access what you want and need to?Being a better person requires you to do the work to understand and identify your own privilege and power to not only stop systematic injustice but to refrain from exercising your privilege in ways that harm others.4. Practice empathy and compassion.Lately, I find myself saying over and over I just dont understand how someone can think that way how someone can do that. That meaning things Im struggling to comprehend.I keep coming back to one of my favorite parts fromTo Kill A Mockingbird, where Atticus Finch tells Scout You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of viewuntil you climb into his skin and walk around in it.Empathy requires us to see things from another persons perspective. And while I may not always agree with that perspective, while it may not be the way I would have reacted in a situation, setting as ide my own view leads me towardcompassion.But spending time every single day on empathy putting aside our views is incredibly difficult and some may argue impossible. We have the tendency to immediately relate others experiences to our own, to filter them through our own lenses.Its true we are attached and cemented to the lens through which we view and absorb the world around us. And its unique to each of us. But if we cant truly detach ourselves from our perspectives, then how can we start to understand each other?The key is to actively listen and believe people when they tell you about their experiences.This is especially true with anyone who has been marginalized.If someone is sharing his or her story with you, try not to counter with well, thats never happened to me. Resist the urge to filter and relate what someone is sharing back to you.One of your habits should be asking follow up questions. Part of being a bigger person means acknowledging other peoples pain and struggles . Reflect back what you hear by summarizing or paraphrasing It sounds like that was really difficult for you.5. Set boundaries to allow space for contradiction.Theres a tension I often struggle with between knowing someones actions are wrong and knowing someone is human.For example, from my work in gender-based violence prevention, I know there are a lot of reasons why someone may be abusive that it may or may not be on purpose. I also know that those reasons are not excuses.Its very rare that there are absolute rights and absolute wrongs and when there are, its easy to know the path forward theres no doubt what you need to do to be a good or better person.But its important to properly anthroponym experiences and to hold people accountable for actions that are harmful and unjust. Its also important that we continue to look for the humanity in each other.So when that line is blurry between what is right and what is wrong, between balancing someones actions with someones humanity, tr y using boundaries to allow space to sort through those contradictions.Boundaries allow for thoughtful perspective, to let two opposite things be true this person did something terrible and I know this person has dealt with a lot in life.Boundaries also prevent me from giving and giving and giving to another persons wants, needs, perspective, and humanity while ignoring my own. They help remind me where another person ends and I begin.And they remind me that, as my sister is fond of saying, hurt people hurt. Being a better person requires us to create space, understanding and accountability for all of it.6. Use your voice.Ive learned a lot of life lessons from J.K. Rowling and one that continues to stick with me is this It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.It can be hard to tell truth to power it can be even harder to be a bigger person and stand up to people you love and care about. These are divisive times, and it might feel like speaking with loved ones or friends about uncomfortable topics will only add to the problem and further separate us.I disagree.Part of being a good person requires us to not only be a good listener but also to use our voices to speak up when something is wrong. This can happen in a lot of different ways about a lot of different things.It can be as simple as letting someone know that they hurt your feelings (although, even that might not be simple). It can be as uncomfortable as having a conversation about privilege with someone who is defensive. It can be as vulnerable as admitting your implicit biases.No matter how you decide to approach being a good person or a happier person, spend time thinking about your approach and about your relationship with yourself. You may think that being a good person means you have to be a different person. It doesnt. You shouldnt strive to change yourself completely instead, focus on your positive traits and look for ways to streng then them. And if there are characteristics you dont like about yourself, work on challenging them.Try to come from a place of compassion. And dont let fear silence the good work you do every day.